Why is it always tough to try for the first time? How should I start ? What to write about ? The first try is always both scary and attractive.

嘿，我是这里的新兼职作家。我无法解释我决定开始的主要原因。我只是觉得我必须这样做。

So here we are… my laptop on, fingers on the keyboard and eyes riveted on the blank page of the screen. There are so many things I want to share, I just don’t know what to pick first. I could have reused some texts I already wrote some time ago. You know you pick one, you edit it a bit to look better and to fit the typical “Medium” frame (nice ton, appealing title), you publish it and wait. Wait to see if one day someone is gonna accidentally read your words. Because of course if one day you get your first reader, it can only be by accident. An internet user lost on the endless web. What a pride for an author! This is exactly the reason why I never published anything yet. This mindset makes me both shy and unsatisfied with myself. It’s never gonna be enough, never good or interesting enough. And this is how you end up doing nothing. Today is a new start and I decided to finally give myself a try. When a writer plays with words on paper, it’s for him first, right? Not for others.

Some tips for you if you struggle as well (I have to bring something in this article or it’s not Medium-worth it) : take a pen and a sheet of paper, or your laptop if you are lazy like me, inspiring music on to clear your mind or find motivation, and just start. Write as you think, write as you talk. Erase and start again. But never delete it. And don’t be ashamed. It’s worth because it’s your word.

After writing the first text appears another fear straight : what is gonna be the topic for the next one ? Same loop again. You didn’t start anything yet and you’re already thinking about failure. For sure you know what I mean.

Self, philosophy, work, lifestyle… many things to say. My aim is not to make it popular but to use the writing exercice as an aesthetic and poetic experience. When English is not your native language it makes it even more challenging!

I used to travel around the world and to think the world was my inspiring playground (the only limits were the ones of my wallet to buy a flight ticket). This could have been my guideline here. But this was before. By “before” you already know what I mean. And I don’t want to write about “This”. I read too much about it and enough. What used to be interesting and exciting at the beginning is now just boring : How to find balance working from home every day, 5 things from the previous world that would never be the same, How to bake an apple pie… We’re now all feel the same, unfortunately society makes it tougher for some of us. A crisis of unfairness.

I’m not a designer nor a photographer so I don’t have any visible work to show and still I think I can be creative. I don’t know the world of the so-called “tech” and I’m not a CEO of a growing trendy start-up and still I think I may have things to say. I’m none of these and I used to think it was not for me : writing, having my blog, sharing my thoughts. “I’m not like them and I’ll never be part of this adventure”. Damned mindset again. So now I don’t care I’m just gonna publish it and that’s it. Without even read it a last time. Let’s trust the draft!

I started those lines with nothing special in mind and it’s been already 2 minutes you’re reading it. I guess we’re getting there. Why the first try is scary and attractive at the same time ? You know you only have one chance to feel how you feel during this first try. The vanity of the try makes it sexy! You know it could be a very beginning of something. Or not. You know there is a before and an after. And as soon as you start, the try is gone. Here we are, I did it and now I really need to find a topic for my next story. Stay tuned (or lost if this is how you got here the first time).