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Kate Antoniades

Published inSlackjaw

·Jan 11

Rejected Ideas From The Person Who Named Heirloom Tomatoes

You won’t find these in the produce section — Bespoke Asparagus Smuggled Strawberries Upscale Radicchio Reliably-Refurbished Bok Choy Snobby-Consignment-Shop Bananas Primitive Raspberries Thrifted Watermelons Quaint-Antique-Shop Okra Turn-of-the-Century Lettuce Nostalgic-Reissue Snap Peas Repurposed Apricots Fire-Sale Broccoli Recommissioned Yams Gently-Used Sprouts Serendipitous-Curb-Find Turnips

1 min read

Rejected Ideas From The Person Who Named Heirloom Tomatoes

1 min read

Rejected Ideas From The Person Who Named Heirloom Tomatoes

You won’t find these in the produce section

Photo byAlexander GreyonPexels

Bespoke Asparagus

Smuggled Strawberries

Upscale Radicchio

Reliably-Refurbished Bok Choy

Snobby-Consignment-Shop Bananas

Primitive Raspberries

Thrifted Watermelons

Quaint-Antique-Shop Okra

Turn-of-the-Century Lettuce

Nostalgic-Reissue Snap Peas

Repurposed Apricots

Fire-Sale Broccoli

Recommissioned Yams

Gently-Used Sprouts

Serendipitous-Curb-Find Turnips

Blatant-Knockoff Spinach

Prefabricated Squash

Retro Broccolini

Faux Cauliflower

Hand-Me-Down Limes

Estate-Sale Parsnips

Mass-Produced Celery

Reproduction Artichokes

Lucky-Flea-Market-Find Avocados

Charmingly-Vintage Pomegranates

Convincing-Counterfeit Shallots

Previously-Enjoyed Beets

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Published inThe Belladonna Comedy

·Jun 24, 2022

I’m Your Baby, and I Take Issue with the Messages on These Onesies

Let’s call them … “misguided” — Hey, I get it. You’re my parents, and you’ll be picking out my clothes at least until I acquire the vocabulary to voice my sartorial opinions. …

4 min read

I’m Your Baby, and I Take Issue with the Messages on These Onesies

4 min read

Published inThe Belladonna Comedy

·Sep 24, 2021

Boys And Girls Are So Different — It’s Like My Son Is Literally Another Species

The #BoyMom Facebook groups did not prepare me for this. — When my husband and I found out that our second child would be a boy, I freaked out. Our firstborn was a girl, and I knew nothing about raising a son. Now that I’m a #BoyMom, I’ve learned that boys and girls are even more different than I’d anticipated. For…

3 min read

Boys And Girls Are So Different — It’s Like My Son Is Literally Another Species

3 min read

Published inGreener Pastures Magazine

·Mar 30, 2021

Well-Known TV Lines Rewritten for the Pandemic

Classic quotes, Covid-ified — The Lone Ranger Bystander #1: “He helped us, and we don’t even know his name. Who was that masked man?” Bystander #2: “You’re going to have to be more specific.” 30 Rock Liz Lemon: “What a week, huh?” Jack Donaghy: “Lemon, it’s Wednesday. No, wait — Tuesday. You know what…

2 min read

Well-Known TV Lines Rewritten for the Pandemic

2 min read

              Kate Antoniades
             
              113 Followers
             
Humor @ The Belladonna, Points in Case, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Little Old Lady Comedy, Robot Butt

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